In the Eye of the Storm
The silent killer.
That’s what they call it. Preeclampsia.
Though my baby made it here 100% healthy, preeclampsia still tried to have its second go at me back in February. In case if you were wondering, I roundhouse kicked that brat to the curb.
Tricia: 2 Preeclampsia: 0
This has been a crazy first half of the year for me. I don’t even know where to start or how to explain. 2019 has been one for the record books. I mean, I birthed a human! And you just don’t get to do that every year. I also published my third book! My year of trilogies.
But 2019 has also been pretty stormy. I don’t mean stormy in an actual sense, though it has definitely been that too, but more of an emotional one.
Right before my book came out, I was battling my blood pressure issues, knowing that preeclampsia was trying to creep back in while random things kept going wrong. Some stuff not sent to me on time. Some feedback coming in that was super discouraging. And it felt like Fracturing was racking up one bad review after another.
I’m not a wimp though. I fought tooth and nail for everything that mattered most to me this year. And here I am on the other side with not only a book out that I am proud of, but also (and more importantly), a healthy, happy baby.
I had some postpartum issues that were scary as hell. Recovery took twice as long, and thank goodness I had everything for the book launch already ready! Meanwhile, in the middle of this huge, nasty storm, my husband interviewed for a job closer to our hometown. Back to Nebraska. It would mean being in the same state as both our families. It was something I had prayed about for the last two years. I just didn’t think my husband would be flying up there two whole days after my due date.
My husband got the job! Again, a cause for huge celebration. Answered prayers! A dream come true. 2019 is definitely the year of some major dreams being realized.
And then it dawned on me that with a newborn, a just turned three-year-old, and a five-year-old, we would have to put our house on the market and try to get it sold so we can find a new house up north. Keeping a house clean for showings, which I can have only an hours notice of, with three young children?
Here’s a storm for you, and for you, and for you. In that sense, I birthed three hurricane-forced, destructive storms. A clean house? They think not.
So we moved across the country with three children under the age of six. I feel like I haven’t caught my breath since Christmas. Annnnd we don’t have a new house yet because our old one isn’t sold. So we are currently in limbo. To make matters worse, we made the long trek, finally made it to Nebraska, and after only a few days, my boys came down with a nasty stomach bug. So that was a whole bundle of yuck.
2019. Lots of adulting stress and I just want to eat alllllll the cookies.
Needless to say, it has felt like one constant storm brewing in my life. It has been scary, but oh so very beautiful at the same time. I’ve given birth. I’ve published a book. I moved across the country.
2019 is monumental!
Back in February when I was having everything fall apart both with publishing Reckoning and my health, I felt like forces were working against me. LIKE, GET OUT OF HERE SATAN.
A dear friend sent me this, which sums up 2019 in a nutshell for me:
I am the storm. Sure, my life feels pretty stormy, yours might feel like it too at times, but somewhere in the middle of that storm, you have to decide it won’t define you. You have to become the storm, or the storm will consume you and spit you out faster than a poop-flavored lollypop. You have to choose to find the beautiful. To “dance in the rain”. To let the raindrops of life bounce off you as you keep plowing through to find the picture-perfect sunset beyond. Find one joyful thing in your day and hold on to it for dear life, friends.
Sometimes I think it’s far too easy to look at what people have, what they accomplished, and never stop to wonder what storms they had to work through to get there. This has been one of my best years ever, and it’s also been filled with a ton of stress and a ton of scary things. I choose to focus on the beautiful. I choose to chase the sunsets. I choose the joy.
As for the rest of 2019… what am I up to?
Well first I have to finish moving here in a few weeks (I hope). Annnnd sell my house (I hope). Then I think I may try to see if I can get my cozy Christmas book fired up for November. I’m not giving myself any strict deadlines yet, I just want to start sprucing it up and see how it goes. It’s honestly so much different from my YA stuff. It’s normal book sized. There aren’t any Hadenfelts. (Okay, maybe just one.) There are also two first chapters of two different books that may or may not already be written because I am just dyingggg to get back in front of my computer. And of course, now that I am admitting all this out loud, I’m sure there will be another crap storm thrown my way.
And you know what?
I DON’T CARE.
I’m hunting down all my dreams and Satan can shove it up his cumulonimbus throwing tushy. I am the friggin’ storm. I choose the joy.